From September 3rd to 8 th, I tripped to Oita-ken with my club mates. It was a training camp of my club, but it was much fun. This trip was my second trip to Kyushu. I enjoyed old circumstance when I was going to Kyusyu. And this was my first trip by night ship. It was fun too.
On the first day we study about our club and that history. This was a little bit boring but after the study, we went to the beach. The dinner was a Barbecue and the volume of the dinner was too much, so most of us couldn’t eat.
On the second day, we looked around the tourist attractions. It is called “Jigokuyu meguri”. We saw 7 hot springs that heat was more than 100 degree Celsius. If you touch, you will get not only burn, but also dead. It is so dangelous. It was so hot in that day too, so a few of my friend get heat exhaustion.
On the third day, we went to see Beppu -city and aquarium named “Umitamago”. It was very new aquarium, so inside of it was very clean and beautiful. There were a lot of sea animals such as dugongs, dolphins, penguins and fishes. And I found Nimo too(^-^). It was so cute. And there was one thing I couldn’t forget. The penguins’ names. There namewas originated from Japanese old people. It was so funny.
After that, we left for home. We used the night ship again. The return night ship was very clean because it was a new one.
It was so tiresome trip but very enjoyable.
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 2:49 am
写真の貼り付け、いいですね。技量もますます進化していますね、内容からして絵日記のようですね。さて、肝心の英語です。 秋学期、夏休み明けの添削開始です。
> From September 3rd to 8 th, I tripped to Oita-ken with my club.
8th vs. 8 th
with my club members/ club mates
> It was a training camp of my club, but it was so fun.
so fun vs. much fun
use of so is ‘awkward’ here
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 2:52 am
> This trip was my second time to going Kyushu.
going Kyushu cf. ‘I go school.’ ???
my second time to going Kyushu–>my second trip to Kyushu
> I felt good old circumstance whenn I was going to Kyusyu.
Spelling check is a must’ — MS-Word has a spell checker!
awkward – felt good old circumstance
felt good –> enjoyed
old circumstance?? circumstance vs. environment?
> And this was my first trip by night ship.
logic of ‘And’
> It was fun too.
I also enjoyed my first overnight and long boat ride.
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 2:55 am
> The first day we studied about our club and that history.
On the first day vs. The first day
study about vs. studied – check the usage in a dictionary, please
> This was a little bit bowring but after the study, we went to the sea.
bowrig vs. boring?
after this study session
to the beach
> The dinner was BBQ and the volume of the dinner was too much, so most of us couldn’t eat after eating.
a Barbecue and
the volume of it
eat after eating –> funny and illogical?
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 2:58 am
> The second day, we looked around the tourist attractions.
On the second day
we enjoyed sightseeing of the tourist attractions in the city
> It called “Jigokuyu meguri”.
is called –.受身表現でしたね。
> We looked 7 hot springs that heat was more than 100 degree Celsius.
looked vs. looked at vs. saw
springs that heat
–> springs whose heat –> springs where the heat
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 2:59 am
> If you touch that you will get not only burn, but also dead.
If xxxx, you will vs. If xxx that, you will
dead 品詞
> It is so dangelous.
typo
> It was so hot in this day, so a few of my friend get heat exhaustion.
in this day vs. on this day vs. this day
this day vs. that day
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 3:01 am
> The third day, we went to see Beppu -city and auarium it named “Umitamago”.
On the third day
auarium it named “Umitamago”. what is ‘it’? 構文 関係代名詞 whoseが必要かも
aquarium vs auarium スペル？
whose name is xxx
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 3:03 am
> It was very new aquarium so inside of it was very clean and beautiful.
冠詞が欠落？
so vs. カンマ so (, so)
We were very lucky to visit a newly built aquarium
> There are a lot of sea animals like dugongs, dolphins, penguins and fishes.
are vs. were 過去形？
like vs. such as
such as A, B and C –> ‘and’が必要ですね。
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 3:08 am
> And I found Nimo too(^-^).
I spotted xxxxx
> He was so cute.
It was vs. He was –> I do not know the gender
> And there is one thing I couldn’t forget.いいでしょう。
is vs. was 過去形迷いますね。現在形で
> The penguins names.
> It originated from Japanese old people.
It vs. They 数は？
> It was so funny.
funny vs. interesting vs. educational
advcomp said,
October 12, 2007 @ 3:09 am
> After that, we leave for home.
ここはやはり過去形でしょう。
> The night ship again.
動詞が必要です。
> The return night ship was very clean because it was new one.
The ship on our return trip was
new one –> a new one –> missing an article?
because it was new. vs. because it was a new one.
> It was so hard trip but very fun.
hard vs. tiresome vs. hectic
fun vs. a fun vs. enjoyable
>
> Thank you for reading.
advcomp said,
October 26, 2007 @ 5:49 pm
I have checked all the threads whether I posted comments or not. I found that I posted the comments for all the threads.
If you had changed the content of the thread, then, I can not check the changes. It would be best that you would please print out the threads so that I can give more attention for further revision.
Hope I am not misunderstanding your requests.
PS I did not go over the following thread in detail:
1) A trip to Oita
2) How to
Both need to revise more:
1) Trip to Oita – Plese shorten it and post another thread under the same title in series
2) How to – Write sentences not listing, as I commented earlier.
advcomp said,
November 10, 2007 @ 1:36 pm
As I asked in class yesterday, please post a new thread after correting, each time. Thank you.
昨年の先輩のBlogのように、改訂版はその都度新しいthreadで投稿ください。
http://es10a.wordpress.com/